How To Untether Yourself As a Leader

Have you ever felt that, no matter how much you advance in your career, the same challenges seem to appear?

Maybe it’s consistently dealing with an unaligned leadership team, encountering difficult colleagues repeatedly, or facing a perpetual lack of resources. Does it often feel like there’s just “not enough time in the day or that your team members lack motivation?

And do certain struggles persist, regardless of the level you’ve reached? Feeling burnt out, overlooked in meetings, burdened with work that belongs to other departments, or constantly working with constraints that make achieving goals seem impossible?

Yeah, I’ve been there. And so have many of my clients.

But why?

Is it an inherent aspect of the startup and hypergrowth environment? Are misaligned management and perpetual resource shortages just par for the course?

Not necessarily.

What I’ve come to understand is that the main reason these challenges and struggles persist for leaders, even for those who have a seat at the table, is because they are unknowingly tethered.

What It Means to be Tethered as a Leader

Consider a tetherball. It’s a ball attached to a rope, which in turn is connected to a pole anchored firmly in the ground. Regardless of how hard you hit it, the ball inevitably spins around the pole, constrained by its tether. The length of the rope merely dictates the diameter of its path - whether spinning close or far from the pole, it’s always, without fail, circling around the same point. The reason? Its foundation is unchangeably tethered to the ground.

Similarly, being tethered as a leader means you’re revolving around yourself, restricted by invisible ropes of your own creation. These ropes are your deep-seated beliefs, your ingrained habits, and your unexamined values. They’re the reflexive responses you haven’t questioned, the autopilot mode that steers your leadership.

And the irony is, most of us don’t even realize we’re tethered. We’re making bigger decisions, handling more resources, perhaps even earning more. But in reality, we’re just making larger circles in the same confined space. The progress is an illusion - a larger version of our former constraints.

I’ll never forget the moment I realized I was tethered in my career. I had achieved so much, both for my team and my company. I was certain a promotion was on the horizon. So, when it didn’t come, you can imagine my confusion. At a complete loss, I decided to seek feedback from my superiors one by one. What had prevented my promotion?

One of them pointed out that I was tethered. His words took me by surprise. I pushed back, highlighting my contributions to the company’s success, the growth achievements of my team. But he explained how, despite all this, I still tended to “make do with what I had” rather than advocating for what we truly needed. He pointed out my sometimes intimidating tone, my failure to forge personal connections with colleagues in other teams, and my tendency to take on work beyond my scope instead of communicating impact and aligning priorities. The list went on.

I sat there, utterly stunned. And then, it dawned on me. Despite what I perceived as growth, it was merely incremental, minimal. I was truly just making larger circles around my tethered self. I had a “keep your head down and work hard” mentality that I took with me everywhere. To truly evolve as a leader, I needed to get a better sense of how I showed up for others, the impact of my behavior, and then transform from the inside out.

Effects of Being Tethered

The impact of being tethered? It’s stunted growth. You might be climbing the career ladder, but your leadership influence likely remains limited. Perhaps your team doesn’t fully embrace your vision, or your peers don’t regard you as an equal. You might even lack the respect that should naturally come with your title.

So what does this mean for leaders?

Imagine yourself as the tetherball in our earlier analogy. If the core of who you are remains unchanged over time and across different environments, then you’re essentially anchoring yourself to an invisible pole.

Your perspective, the meanings you attach to events, your thought processes, beliefs, emotions, and resulting actions - if these don’t evolve, your leadership will remain tethered, regardless of your title, role, or the company you work for.

You’re the ball, and while your string may lengthen as you acquire new techniques - such as giving balanced feedback, efficiently managing meetings, or over communicating during crises - if your fundamental thoughts, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors remain static, the tethering persists.

You might experience a sense of deja vu, feeling as though you’re not making significant progress.

To become untethered is to rid yourself of the pole. But to do that, you first need to recognize its existence. It’s like an invisible weight you carry everywhere.

To eliminate this pole, you must fundamentally change how you perceive yourself and the world around you.

It’s about shifting your thoughts, beliefs, and emotions at their core. When change happens at this deep level, it’s transformative. The pole vanishes. You experience a paradigm shift. Your natural approach to leadership (and to life) evolves, marking the beginning of a constant state of evolution. This fluidity and flexibility mean you’re no longer tethered.

How To Tell If You're Tethered

To recognize if you’re tethered, look for recurring patterns in your experiences.

Are the challenges you encounter similar to those you’ve faced in the past, just under different guises? Do your work relationships seem to play out in familiar, predictable ways?

Whether it’s your title, role, responsibilities, or the company you’re with, do you notice a consistent approach in how you handle situations?

Are your frustrations recurring themes? For example, do you get upset when people don't follow a certain structure? Or do you habitually find a confidant to vent to, which leads to gossip?

Have you achieved the desired title, but not the accompanying respect? Does your team follow your lead without truly embracing your vision? Are your peers still not treating you as an equal? Do you find that people often make the same mistakes, projects are consistently delayed or colleagues continually irritate you?

Whatever it is, if situations or experiences seem repetitive, or if you feel stuck despite your efforts, it’s a strong indicator that you’re tethered.

Untethering Yourself

Realizing you’re tethered is the critical first step to freeing yourself.

It’s like a lost traveler in the woods finally understanding why they’re walking in circles - they lack direction. This analogy is supported by studies like those conducted by Jan Souman at the Max Planck Institute for Biological Cybernetics. His research demonstrated that people tend to walk in circles when lost, especially in environments devoid of visible cues like forests or deserts. The absence of external cues such as the sun, moon, or navigational tools like a compass or GPS leads to this disorientation.

Even if you try to walk in a straight line while blindfolded, the lack of visual input will lead you to walking in tighter circles.

These studies underscore the importance of external references for orientation and direction. Similarly in leadership, without internal or external visual cues - be it feedback, self-awareness, or benchmarks - leaders can find themselves going in circles. They might believe they’re progressing, but without these crucial reference points or introspection, they risk repeating the same patterns and mistakes.

Tools for Untethering

Untethering is a process - so you won’t get immediate results. Embarking on this journey of untethering begins with an awareness that there’s a circle to break out of. Seeing this pattern is like finding a compass in the wilderness - it doesn’t change your situation right away, but it provides clarity and direction for the path forward.

Here are some tools you can use to help you step out of the circle, untether yourself, and chart a new course in your leadership journey.

Cultivate Self-awareness

Self-awareness is the cornerstone of untethering.

To uncover your unknowns, you might want to take time to introspect. Reflect on your leadership style and decisions. Identify repeating patterns in your professional life. Write them down. This could be recurring challenges, responses, or behaviors that seem to play on a loop.

To get a broader perspective, consider online psychometric assessments like the MBTI, Communication Styles, Leadership Gaps, or VIA Character Strengths. These free tools offer different lenses through which to view your self and behavior. A leadership coach can also administer these assessments and provide guided, personalized insights. (Click here to learn how I can help you with one-on-one leadership coaching.)

Seek Feedback

Often dreaded, feedback is the goldmine of insights.

It’s about embracing perspectives that you might be blind to. Understand that even unsavory feedback, including from those you disagree with, is valuable. It’s a data point that, when patterns emerge, signals an area needing attention. Seek feedback in informal settings too - a simple conversation post-meeting can reveal much about how you're perceived and the impact of your actions.

Always Be Learning

To evolve continuously, you must learn continuously.

This isn’t just about self-improvement - it’s about expanding your understanding of others and the world around you. Dive into books, articles, trainings, workshops, and webinars. Listen to podcasts and watch relevant videos. Again, you could also consider hiring a leadership coach to guide this journey. Learning is about empowering yourself with knowledge that fosters growth and leadership.

Create Accountability & Monitor Progress

Partner with a mentor, colleague, or coach who can guide you in setting realistic goals and help you track your progress. This partnership should provide a safe, judgment-free zone for honest reflection and assessment. Change is incremental, so regular check-ins are important to stay on course.

Make Conscious Behavioral Changes

Once you start to expand your awareness and see things you couldn’t see before, it’s important to then experiment with different behaviors. Observe the outcomes - what resonates, what impacts your team positively, and what doesn’t work. Take these data points, iterate, and experiment again. It's an ongoing process.

This exploration outside your comfort zone is essential in your growth and in discovering leadership approaches that are effective and authentic to you. Be open to the uncertainty that comes with being untethered and limitless.

Get One on One Leadership Coaching

Personalized leadership coaching offers you a tailored, transformative approach to your development. Partnering with a leadership coach can help you identify your blind spots, expand your awareness, navigate specific challenges, set personal goals, monitor your progress, and provide accountability. They're your go-to partner in using all of the tools listed so far. This individualized support is crucial for leaders looking to make significant changes in their approach, mindset, leadership, and life experience. (See how one on one leadership coaching has helped some of your peers.)

Ultimately, it’s important to remember that untethering is not just about breaking free from the old patterns. It’s about embracing true progress. It’s about evolving into a leader who not only leads with authority, but also with empathy and vision.

In the dynamic world of startups and hypergrowth tech companies, being untethered means being agile, receptive, and innovative.

Untethering yourself is a transformative journey. It’s a path of self-discovery, continuous learning, and redefining your leadership narrative. Embrace it, and watch not just your career, but your influence and satisfaction as a leader, take you to new heights. And if you’re looking for a one on one leadership coach to partner with you on this journey - just let me know.