In my 20+ years working in tech, I’ve heard the phrase “fake it till you make it” a gazillion times - as personal advice given to me, as statements made by others to acknowledge how they’ve achieved their success, I’ve even heard it in leadership workshops and read it in self-help books.
It’s a very popular phrase and is obviously followed by many, so we should all heed it too, right ? But what does it really mean and does it work?
“Fake it till you make it” is a catchphrase that suggests that if you continuously pretend to embody a trait or quality (like confidence, strength, competence), over time you will develop it for real and it will ultimately help you achieve whatever it is that you’re aiming for (like a promotion, recognition, or growing your business). The logic is that the behavior leads and the belief follows (along with any corresponding outcomes). It’s a pretty cool concept.
Although we can’t really pinpoint the exact origination of the phrase itself, the idea of “fake it till you make it” is rooted in Alfred Adler’s 1920s technique called “acting as if” which was later adopted into cognitive behavioral therapy to help people overcome fears or barriers to growth by practicing behaviors (different than what they’re used to) and acting as if they already possess those behaviors even though they don’t feel it yet. He was one of the first psychotherapists to purport that personalities are patterns of behaviors that can be rehearsed, not fixed ways of being that we’re stuck with for life. Cool, right?
And modern scientific evidence supports that theory. Neuroplasticity suggests that consistent repetition of a thought, behavior, or feeling rewires our brain’s default wiring or architecture. Even though we are hardwired to resist change, we are nevertheless very much capable of conscious change. Very empowering.
Yes and no.
Yes - if we are to follow the basic tenets of Adler’s “acting as if” approach and consciously focus on implementing new behaviors, rehearsing them over time, coupling them with empowering thoughts and feelings so that we can rewire our brains and change our personalities - then yes. It can work.
It’s not just about “manifesting” or “visualizing” what you want, it’s about showing up, day after day, moment after moment, with the new behavior/thought/feeling you want to embody, putting in the effort, consciously making different choices, reflecting on the process and results, and showing up again and again no matter how you originally “feel.” More on that in a bit.
No - if you misunderstand the core concept and try to apply it as is, at face value. And here’s where I want to push back and challenge some of the mainstream thinking around this idea of “faking it till you make it.” If you tell yourself or believe that simply faking a trait or quality is going to give it to you via some sort of magical osmosis and give you the life you want, then you’re most likely going to struggle. It will not work.
Faking it backfires for one core reason: language plays a big role in our emotional state, self-perception, and behaviors.
I’m sure most of us have heard or read about the importance of how we talk to ourselves. How our “talk tracks” influence our moods and behaviors. Even though this might seem like a bunch of new age mumbo jumbo to some, it is rooted in the idea of linguistic relativity - that the language we use, in both words and structure, influences how we think and experience the world, and in how we feel about ourselves, which in turn influences our behavior and the choices we make. Even changing one word (like swapping out the word “but” in your sentences to “and”) can instantly shift your perception, and therefore your options.
So when you’re constantly telling yourself that you need to “fake it till you make it,” you’re essentially encouraging yourself to be a fraud. And being a fraud is something so many intelligent, competent professionals struggle with in the workplace. Imposter syndrome is REAL and affects many of us at some point in our careers.
Imposter syndrome is the inability to internalize success and feeling like a fraud despite the evidence that shows otherwise. People who experience this have a pattern of repeatedly doubting their own accomplishments and capabilities, fearing they’ll be exposed as frauds, even though they have very clear track records of being high performers.
Many of my clients have experienced this debilitating state of mind and believed that somehow luck got them where they were in life or that perhaps they fooled people along the way.
In fact, as many as 3 out of 5 people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their career (according to one survey), and women are disproportionately affected - around 70% in another large survey. And carrying this belief creates debilitating stress, pressure, and anxiety that unfortunately gets in the way of actualizing and demonstrating innate strengths and performance.
So telling people to “fake it till they make it” when they’re already struggling with the inability to internalize their own success, in my experience, fuels more feelings of being an imposter. “Fake it” language is the exact fraud-like feeling they’re trying to escape!
There is a better, more impactful phrase you can use to leverage language, cognition, and the neuroplasticity of our brains to empower you on your quest for more confidence, happiness, calm, strength or whatever it is that you seek.
First, instead of faking anything, tell yourself that you’re simply harnessing. The difference? Aside from the fraudulent feelings “faking” elicits, the sheer suggestion that you need to fake something implies that it’s not yours. You have no right to have it. It doesn’t belong to you. It exists outside of you. So you have to pretend, you have to be fake.
When you “harness” something, it’s already available to you. It’s yours for the taking. It belongs to you. It already exists inside of you. A natural resource awaiting your direction. You just need to tap into it, channel it, and apply it.
You want to embody confidence? Show up for that job interview as a confident, experienced badass? Sure, confidence is available to you. Study confidence, study confident people, envision yourself as that confident person - what are you wearing? How do you show up? What are you saying? How are you speaking? Visualize it and tap into it. Keep thinking about it. Practice speaking like that confident version of you. Keep dressing like that. Find someone to practice with. Put yourself in low-stakes situations where you can role play. Apply the “acting as if” cognitive behavioral approach and reflect on it afterwards. How did you feel? What went well? What seemed off? What worked? What didn’t? Iterate your approach and practice again.
And keep doing that. Keep putting in the effort. Keep experimenting. Keep showing up until you become it. “Becoming it” is important to articulate because what you are practicing will become a part of you. The science demonstrates it. Our personalities, our brains are not fixed. They change, adapt, and shift based on what you repeatedly do, think, and experience. You can create new neural pathways for confidence if you envision it and practice it and embody it enough times. It might not eradicate the insecurity you have, but it will weaken it.
I’m not the first person to notice that “make it” is the wrong finish line. If you’ve ever watched Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk on body language, you might remember how she closes it: “Don’t fake it till you make it. Fake it till you become it.” And she was onto something big. “Making it” points you at an outcome only (the promotion, the applause, the deal). But “becoming it” like I mentioned earlier, points you at yourself - on the power already within you.
One is a line you cross; the other is a person you turn into. That shift matters. The main miss with her phrase is the “fake it” part - because as we covered, faking is the very thing that keeps it feeling like it was never yours. So no, please don’t fake it.
And the next time someone tells you to fake it till you make it, remember that the words you use shape how you feel, think, and show up - and tell yourself instead: “I’m gonna harness it till I become it.”